IT'S ALIVE! (Wednesday, Part One)

Wednesday (yesterday) was a good day for me. Just so you know.

The day was pretty good overall, but I'm going to focus on advisory now and then if I feel like it I'll write about the stuff that happened afterwards. I might write about that tomorrow. But I'll only do it tomorrow if I don't do it today.

On Wednesdays we have a longer time for advisory. It's supposed to be assembly schedule so we can actually have assemblies on Wednesdays, but we don't ever actually do that, so I just get a free period of hanging out in the band room library with awesome people such as Kelly Pyper, McKenzie Ward, and Jonathan Dickson. And Megan Felt. And Mason Cameron. I could go on, but I won't because a) you probably get the idea and b) I don't really want to. 

Yesterday, in my elongated advisory time, I was really hyper and overly dramatic and incredibly lucky my friends went along with what I was doing instead of tying me up and calling the police. I will now tell the story of what happened yesterday in advisory (and possibly the stuff that happened afterwards). 

I was standing by some of the filing cabinets, just behind the door, talking to Kelly and McKenzie, when Kelly noticed I was standing on a piece of paper. "Olivia, is that your T-Shirt order form?" Kelly asked. I looked down and realized it was, then bent over to pick it up. I noticed a mark on the corner of the paper from my boot and knew that it must be dead. I smoothed it out and brushed off the shoe print. Sniffling and trying not very successfully to hold back my tears, I gently laid my paper to rest on my binder. (McKenzie left during this process, I think. I don't know exactly when, but I was talking to her and then she was gone. Sorry, Kenz, for not paying attention to when you left. I was paying more attention to the innocent piece of paper I had so ignorantly crushed beneath my boot.) As soon as I had uttered my last goodbye, Kelly, who had watched this all from the throne of comfortableness (which is what we call the chair in the library as of this moment), for some strange reason decided to throw a pencil in my general direction and the pencil hit me in the leg! How dare she! I turned to face her, appalled at her audacity to chuck a mechanical pencil at me when I was kneeling on the floor grieving the loss of my paper. Absolutely livid, I scooped the pencil off the ground, blindly tossing it in her direction. I was hoping for it to hit her in the leg, but in my anger I had misjudged where exactly her leg was and because of this error the pencil flew through the air way, way above where it was supposed to and instead smacked into Kelly's forehead. She looked a little shocked, but started laughing anyway. I started laughing, too, but that wasn't dramatic enough for me at that point. Still on my knees, I made my way to Kelly and grabbed her hand, still laughing hysterically. Gulping in air and trying not to die of laughter, I asked Kelly to please, please forgive me. "I know I don't deserve it... I hurt you in ways that... that cannot be forgiven..." 

While I was saying this, the door opened and McKenzie walked back in. The look on her face clearly stated that she had no idea what we were doing, wasn't sure she wanted to, and was confused as to how she became friends with  weirdos like us in the first place (no offense, Kelly).

We then continued our dramatic scene, Kelly still laughing so hard she could barely breathe. McKenzie got something out of her backpack and left. I again asked for Kelly's forgiveness for accidentally hitting her in the face with a pencil. She graciously accepted my apology and we resumed being normalish and doing normalish things.

It was then that I noticed the one lonely paper in the table, waiting to be sorted. It was in the Percussion 1 slot. Wondering what this random piece of paper was doing all by itself in the table of sorting things (which is what we call that as of this moment), I pulled it out. It was almost blank except for a rectangle with a bent line sticking out of it which was drawn just to the right of the center of the page. (Or the left. It really depends which way you hold the paper. I say right because of the way I was holding it then.) I asked Kelly if she knew the reason behind this paper being left in the table of sorting things. She didn't know. I asked if I could crush it. Then, without waiting for a response, I crumpled the bottom corner of the corner. Of the paper! I crumpled the bottom corner of the paper. Sometimes my brain and my fingers move at a different rate. It's very annoying. Anyways! Without hearing whether her response was a yes or a no, I crumpled the paper, remember? Okay, continuing. 

"Wait, you did say I could crumple it, right?" 

"No!" 

"Oh..." 

In stunned silence, I dropped the paper on the floor. "What have I done?" I whispered dramatically, sinking to the floor to scoop the paper off the floor, smoothing out the corner of the paper where I'd crumpled it. Kelly was fake crying, obviously horrified at the brutal murder of an innocent, lonely paper. I apologized, saying I thought she'd given me permission to crumple the paper. Starting to fake cry again, I rubbed the paper against my face, once again mourning the death of an innocent sheet of paper.

"Wait..." I whispered. Kelly looked up from her fake-crying/really crying because she was laughing so hard state. "It' still alive!" I whispered excitedly. "It's alive?" she asked, her voice hopeful. "It's alive!" I said. She looked very excited and triumphant. Saying it's alive reminded me of something else, though (the time Kelly picked up a jar with a dead spider in it only to realize the spider was still alive and screamed "it's alive" like they do in those cheesy monster movies), so I quickly changed my facial expression from joy to disgust, crumpled the paper back up and flung it away from myself, screaming horribly, "It's alive!" 

Kelly followed suit, curling up on the throne of comfortableness to get as far away from it as possible. "It's alive!" she cried in despair.

We huddled in the corner to get away from the wretched paper of death (which is what it's called as of this moment). Kelly then pointed out that I had touched the Wretched Paper of Death! With my bare hands! I realized this was true, and, unsure of what to do, held my hands in the air so as not to make physical contact with anything until I could decontaminate myself. I knew I would probably have to be quarantined for the rest of the week, just in case. Kelly suggested I should ask McKenzie if I could use some of her hand sanitizer (which smells heavenly, by the way). I started walking over to the door when McKenzie opened it and walked it, almost hitting me. "McKenzie!" I shouted wildly, much louder than I meant to. "Can I please use some of your hand sanitizer?"

"Um, sure..." she replied, still confused at my utter weirdness. While I hand sanitized my previously unsanitary hands with McKenzie's hand sanitizer (which smells heavenly, by the way), Kelly picked up her pencil (the same pencil we'd thrown at each other earlier) and braved the wrath of the Wretched Paper of Death.

It was around that moment that Mason walked in. I don't want to speak for him, of course, but I imagine the sight of Kelly poking at the Wretched Paper of Death with a pencil, doing anything she could to not touch it while I scrubbed at my hands screaming that I'd touched it was quite startling, to say the least.

I'm pretty sure he asked what we were doing and that's why we started laughing again. He then said something about the wretched Paper of Death carrying some horrible disease that would kill everyone, at which point Kelly and I completely lost it. She stabbed it with her pencil and ran to the corner farthest away from it with the greatest urgency. I followed, and we huddled in the corners of the library, laughing hysterically with looks of fear and disgust on our faces. 

Well, this story is getting very long. 

We commanded everyone not to touch that paper, or even look at it. Even mentioning the wretched Paper of Death could end the world. 

Jonathan entered the library, asking about the paper. 

To quote Kelly, because I don't want to write it all out myself, "We explained it to him, and mentioned that Mason had told us about the curse. Mason said he thought WE had said that and then we realized that the paper wasn't really cursed. We apologized to the paper before flattening it out and taping it onto the wall in a spot of unquestionable honor." 

So, in conclusion, the Wretched Paper of Death is now The Paper of Unquestionable Honor, as of this moment.

That's the story of what I did in advisory yesterday. As that is a very long story, I will save the story of the rest of the day for another day. Does that make any sense? Whatever. 

Good bye. 

To view Kelly's version of the story, check her blog, alliterationisamazinglyawesome.blogspot.com.